Healthy Kale Caesar Salad

*This recipe was originally created as part of a collaboration with Man Repeller

We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the girl who orders a cheeseburger thicker than her oral circumference on a first date and doesn’t worry about the blobs of condiments dripping off. The girl who orders kale regardless of how it looks when she chews, and the one who adds mounds of extra garlic to her pasta because it’s a miracle herb – never mind the fact that she has to share a bed later on in the evening. At The New Potato, that’s the girl we like to think about because – well – she’s us.

We decided to celebrate the culinary side of man-repelling by creating a recipe that does just that: repels. Don’t get us wrong, it’s delicious, but it’s not exactly candlelit dinner material. It’s our own healthy Kale Caesar Salad, and we suggest you make it for a few different scenarios:

1. On a weeknight spent solo or with very forgiving friends

2. For an on-the-go lunch when you know your alone time to human interaction ratio is at an all time high

3. If you’ve got some nasty vampires lurking in that sketchy doorway near your elevator, who you’ve been trying to get rid of since your lease was renewed. And we don’t mean the Edward Cullen types. (Sorry, we know, so five years ago…)

Healthy Kale Caesar Salad, Serves 2


5 oz. Kale (Massage the kale for 5 minutes. This makes it really soft and much easier to eat, but not any more pleasant to watch you chew).

2 – 3 garlic cloves (Repel man/everyone here)

2 teaspoons of dijon mustard (You’ll need a good, grainy version for extra “you’ve-got-something-stuck-in-your-teeth” potential and heightened deliciousness.)

1/2 an avocado

Juice of 1/2 a lemon

1/2 cup of olive oil

Flax Seeds

Sunflower Seeds (As far as dates go, anything of the “seed” persuasion typically isn’t your friend, but if you meet someone who happily tells you, “You’ve got something riiight there,” then self-demonstrates, he’s a keeper.)

1/2 of a Jicama, finely chopped

Massage the Kale. Mix the avocado, mustard, olive oil and garlic in a food processor until it becomes super creamy. This is your “Caesar” dressing.

Toss the kale with dressing, flax seeds, sunflower seeds and jicama. Squeeze lemon over the top and garnish with extra seeds for good health/measure and general makeout-sesh unappealing-ness.